Heart Check

Huge heart-check moment today. I’ve always struggled with ED and I’ve recognized, lately, that I focus on food more than faith. When your mind is so altered by your eating disorder, it’s hard to think about anything other than food. God, however, is something that, as a Christian, I feel should be something I think about more than food. Lately I’ve realized that He’s not. Today, for the first time, I was forced to make a choice between God and ED.
I’ve been on the road to Panama City Beach for about three hours now. The driver of the car, who is a pastor in my life, challenged me to memorize scripture. I should add that he doesn’t know about my eating disorder. What started as a simple challenge to memorize scripture quickly turned into a condition for food. He told me I needed to memorize and recite John 1 if I wanted to eat. I needed to make a choice between God and ED. I chose ED. I failed today and, to be honest, I am scared I will fail many times this week. I write this so as to expose my weakness, not only to encourage others, but also to challenge them. Where is your heart at? I learned, quickly, where my heart is at and it’s going to be a hard job to correct it. It must happen though.

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